Day 28 of 40 - What *Would* Be the Home Stretch

If I were in this for 30 days, I'd be closing in on the finish line right now. And the closer I get to the 30 day mark, the more I realize that choosing to go for 40 was an awesome idea.

I'd toyed with the idea of having a glass of wine at an upcoming wedding, but I know now that I need to soldier on. Why? In the last few days it seems the temptations are popping up like mad. Things that wouldn't normally be all that appealing to me seem to be calling my name. And I was entertaining the thought of not only having a glass of wine at the wedding, but also going out for beer and nachos with friends.

There's nothing wrong with going out for beer and nachos once in a while, as far as I'm concerned. It's one of those fabulously bonding evenings I enjoy with old friends I don't see often. But the thing is, I should be able to find other ways to see old friends that don't involve drinking (a little too much) and (pigging out on) nachos. Why can't we meet up to go for a walk or a swim? Or just sit around and chat without the alcohol and carb-bomb?

Thinking about having that one glass of wine seemed to open up a huge floodgate for me, and I am certain that I have more work to do in regards to fighting temptation and controlling emotional eating before I'm ready to wrap up this Whole40.

Breakfast: The usual, with half-decaf and coconut milk.
Lunch: A simple salad with a zesty Italian vinaigrette, a BBQ chicken thigh and an Italian sausage.
Supper: A two-egg omelette stuffed with half an avocado and one more sausage, with a big pile of grilled zucchini.
Snacks: Sweet potato chips. (Princess and I had a girls' night tonight, and she really wanted us to have special snacks. She voted for Lay's dill pickle chips, which are a HUGE favourite of mine - I didn't want to feel deprived watching her snack away, so I enjoyed a bowl of sweet potato chips that totally did the trick!)

Day 27 of 40 - Why Do I Eat?

I wish I could honestly say that I only ever eat to satisfy my physical hunger and fuel my body. But that would be a lie.

Obviously, most of us eat as a way to celebrate, and sharing good food with friends and family is a time-honoured ritual of community and fellowship. Nothing wrong there. But there are times when eating for non-hunger reasons really are a bad idea.

I eat when I'm bored.
I eat because I've had a rough day and I "deserve a treat".
I eat because I feel unworthy of having a fit and healthy body.
I eat to punish myself.
I eat when I'm grieving.
I eat secretively, for no apparent reason, just because "I can".
I eat just because the food tastes good, even after I'm already satisfied or even full.
I eat because the food has strong sentimental value.

I'd say things are much better now than they have been in the past. I'm more mindful of not using food to abuse my body, but the boredom thing is still an issue for sure. I also eat out of routine, even if I may not actually be feeling real hunger.

It's such a new process, this whole listening-to-my-body thing. When I was on Weight Watchers, I knew how many points I had, and I'd just spread 'em out over the day. I could basically schedule my eating and then not think about it. That definitely had some advantages, but it's not a great way to live long-term, in my opinion. Nor did that way of eating help me to actually tackle any of the negative reasons I eat.

I'm not having an easy time in facing my food demons, but very few worthwhile things come easily. I know that this needs to be a battle fought - and won - over time, so that it the victory has some staying power.

Breakfast: Two sweet potato and zucchini latkes with two fried eggs and some sauteed kale. A cup of half-decaf with coconut milk.
Lunch: Beet greens (green and purple) sauteed with chopped bacon.
Supper: One hot Italian sausage, one broiled chicken thigh with BBQ sauce, green and purple string beans, roasted purple cauliflower and spaghetti squash tossed with homemade basil pesto and diced tomatoes.
Snacks: 2 muffins, 3 snack balls. Too many snacks.

Day 26 of 40 - Oh, My Poor Hormones!

Wow. I wasn't sure what my body would go through once I'd weaned Baby Belle and reclaimed my body as my own for the first time in years. My appetite is all over the place - starving sometimes, totally uninterested in eating other times - and it would appear that I'm gaining some weight, judging by the fit of my clothes. I'll be interested to see how this plays out over the next little while. Trying to just focus on eating well, taking my vitamins, and exercising.

It was a long and exhausting day with the kids at my in-laws' new cottage, so that's all you get for tonight. I know you're totally bummed.

Breakfast: Two sweet potato and zucchini latkes, two slices of bacon and two fried eggs. Licorice tea.
Supper: Coconut curry cabbage with ground beef and extra veggies.
Snacks: Three snack balls and three and a half muffins.

Day 25 of 40 - Pooped!

My body is still sore from pushing it so hard yesterday, and then I ended up being on my feet for most of today. I know, I know, it's good for me, but my poor little flat feet and deformed toes just aren't used to it!

First I had to skip the farmer's market to wait for our freezer to be delivered. I look forward to going every week, and I was bummed to miss it! When Francis and the kids got home I unpacked the produce and dealt with as much of it as I could. Then we went for a walk, and I came home and got lunch served. Luckily, I had a great nap after lunch, because then it was right back into the kitchen! I don't know how Nicole did it. We're going on a day trip to my in-laws' new cottage tomorrow, and that on top of my usual food prep seemed to take me forever!

I made granola bars for the kids, two varieties of snack balls (almonds, raisins and cinnamon rolled in coconut for the kids, and dates with macadamias, coconut and cinnamon rolled in MORE cinnamon for us), a batch of Apple Spice Zucchini Breakfast cake in mini loaf pans, sliced up a 10lb cabbage for the freezer, made a tomato salad, baked the chicken and roasted the cauliflower for supper. I guess it wasn't really that much, but my aching body just wanted to SIT so it seemed like way more! And of course there's still much more to be done before I can retire for the evening. We do actually need to eat meals tomorrow.

Breakfast: The usual.
Lunch: Half a chicken breast and a giant bowl of coconut curry cabbage.
Supper: Two baked chicken breasts (with BBQ sauce for dipping), cherry tomatoes (red, orange and yellow!) tossed with EVOO, garlic and fresh basil, roasted purple cauliflower.
Snacks: One of the mini loaves. Quality control check, you know. An extra cup of tea before bed.

Day 24 of 40 - An "Aha" Moment

I was lucky enough to have a day to myself today, so after clearing out room in the laundry room for the new freezer and doing a few loads of laundry, I decided to throw in an exercise video. Since I know I should be taking it easy (somewhat...), I've recently traded in my favourite DVD trainer for my second favourite. At one point in the video I was doing, she says, "If you want results, you're going to have to earn them!"

Wow.

Is it weird that that statement hit me like a ton of bricks?

It wasn't the first time I've done this workout, so it's not the first time I've heard her say that. But I guess today I was just ready to hear it, and it struck me in a particular way.

See, here's the thing: All my life, so many things have just come easily for me. School was a piece of cake. (Oh shoot, now I want cake... Sorry.) I was put ahead a grade, and still remained at the top of my class throughout the grade-school years, without putting in much effort. (Translation: I rarely did homework, rarely studied for tests/exams, and generally started projects the night before they were due.) Because academics just came naturally to me, I didn't have to earn my results.

In university I studied music. I'd been playing saxophone since I was nine, and that was yet another thing that came easily for me. The problem was, I had never learned the discipline required to practice as much as I needed to, because I was just naturally good enough to be the best all through junior and senior high school. I'll never forget my very last private lesson with my saxophone professor. I played one of my favourite ballads, and at the end he turned around from the piano and said, "F%$k you. You don't deserve to play that beautifully." It was true. I hadn't earned it.

I have this issue in so many areas, and today I realized that I still struggle with this in the realm of health and fitness as well. I don't really put in the work that I would need to in order to see the results I'd like to see. I'm not as disciplined about watching my unnecessary carbs (ahem *dates*), nor do I put in the effort in regards to exercise either.

I'm hoping that at least realizing this will make me more mindful about putting in the work. Today I noticed a huge difference in my stamina - I was able to work harder and longer, with fewer breaks. I think my body is really hitting its stride in terms of the Whole30 benefits, and I also wonder if weaning Baby Belle and having my body all to myself for the first time in over five years makes a difference. In any case, I'm going to be more aware from now on that if I want to see results, I actually need to earn them.

Breakfast: Kale, eggs, cherry tomatoes and licorice tea.
Lunch: A rib wrap. I tried out Dr. Davis' recipe for a flax meal wrap from Wheat Belly. It was actually decent. (It's one of the recipes that doesn't call for any artificial sweeteners, so I was keen to try it.) I stuffed it with some of the leftover rib meat from last night and some extra barbeque sauce.
Supper: A fajita bowl. I cooked the chicken, peppers and onions with some homemade fajita seasoning, then served it over a bed of mixed greens and topped it with salsa and guacamole. Super delicious!
Snacks: Too. Many. Snack balls. And an extra cup of tea.

Day 23 of 40 - Three Little Things

First of all, thanks to my sister I'm now hooked on this blog. If you're at all fascinated by gorgeous, off-beat portraits, consider yourself warned: you'll be sucked in.

Secondly, I'm trying really hard to break out of my I-don't-feel-like-cooking-or-eating rut. This morning I spent a fair bit of time in the kitchen. I baked three packages of chicken thighs (some for friends for supper, some for our lunch), made my specialty rice (also for friends!), cooked up another batch of BBQ sauce (and played around with the seasonings - added some chipotle this time...), then I dry-rubbed two racks of ribs and braised them in chicken stock for a few hours. We were at a party until 5pm, so it was nice to be able to come home, slap some sauce on the ribs and prep some veggies, then just send Francis out to the backyard to grill it all up.

Third, someone asked me recently about what my kids eat, so I thought I'd share a little here. For breakfast, they generally eat either scrambled eggs, coconut flour pancakes, or occasionally Brown Rice Krispies. (They're the gluten-free ones. My parents got them hooked on the 'snap, crackle and pop'.) These options are always followed by either apple sauce, yogurt, or sometimes both. Lunches are usually quick - often leftovers, sometimes deli meat and veggies, once in a while I'll make them almond flour-breaded nuggets. Suppers are the easiest: They eat exactly what we eat. My kids are four and a half, three, and 18 months - and they only variation from what we eat is that Princess is never expected to eat cherry tomatoes, and Music Man is never expected to eat sliced cucumbers. My kids always are expected to try what's in front of them, and 98% of the time they like it. But there are some things I just don't like, even after giving them a fair shot, so it's only fair that there can be certain things that they just don't like. (You will never see me voluntarily consuming yogurt, cream cheese - except in a cheese cake! - or any kind of shellfish. Ever.)

Princess was a very picky eater for a long time. But right around her third birthday she started to grow out of it (with much encouragement from her exhausted parents...) and now she's pretty adventurous when it comes to trying new things, and there aren't many things she flat-out dislikes. It's pretty wonderful, actually, to just serve one meal after a long time of always having to make an extra grilled cheese sandwich...

Breakfast: Kale, eggs and cherry tomatoes. Licorice tea.
Lunch: A roasted chicken thigh and a big bowl of  coconut curry cabbage.
Supper: Ribs! Fall off the bone, melt in your mouth deliciousness! Honestly, this was the first time I really nailed them. (Okay, Francis gets credit for the final grilling...) And some grilled zucchini and red onion. A fruit juice freeze.
Snacks: Two strawberries and some fruit leather. An extra cup of tea before bed.

Day 22 of 40 - Landed in a Rut

Oh, I'm just bored. I'm suddenly bored with eating and food preparation. Maybe it's a shift in my appetite now that I'm no longer breastfeeding. Maybe it's the PMS. Who knows? It's certainly not because the food is boring. I have a to-try list of recipes a mile long! All I know is that eating, prepping and cooking have suddenly become a chore, and I'm really wishing somebody else would just put some food down in front of me.

(Maybe it's because our dishwasher has been out of commission for a couple of months, and I'm sick of the mountain of dishes that shows up after every. single. meal!)

Breakfast: Kale, eggs and cherry tomatoes. Licorice tea. (All made and served by my wonderful husband, who then packed up the kids and took them out until supper time!)
Lunch: A chicken thigh and a small bowl of cherries. I wasn't really hungry, but since I wanted to nap, I figured I should eat something so as not to run the risk of having my nap cut short by a growling tummy.
Supper: Spaghetti squash with meat sauce.
Snacks: A couple of snack balls this morning, and some blended coconut milk, bananas and mixed berries after supper.