Day 1 of 40

Here goes nothing everything!
My starting weight: 132lbs. That's up 11lbs since the end of my first Whole30. *sigh* Oh well, no point wasting time in feeling guilty. Better to spend the energy on getting healthier again.

What I will do in the next 40 days:
-Get plenty of rest. Since I can't always count on my kids to sleep all night, and since I know they get up at the butt-crack of dawn every day, this will mean getting myself in bed at a reasonable time every night. No later than 10pm, except for the odd special occasion.
-Take my vitamins diligently, and drink my new licorice root extract tea.
-Modify my exercise routine. The plan is to basically follow Mark Sisson's advice - sprint session once a week, two days of "lifting heavy things" (I'll do the 30 Day Shred video on those days - I don't love it as much as the Inside Out videos, but I need to slow down a little for now), and go for long walks on the other four days.
-Get a handle on my portion sizes. I'm going to be more mindful of actually stopping when I'm full, and only starting to eat when I'm truly hungry.
-Quit drinking coffee. Again. Soon.
-Post daily.
-Celebrate every success!

What I won't do in the next 40 days:
-Indulge in any SWYPO foods, unlike my last Whole30.
-Eat any non-approved foods/ingredients.
-Use fruit to replace junk food when a sugar craving hits.
-Pig out on something just because it's an "approved" food.
-Take any measurements. (I know this works. And I'll know when my clothes start to fit better.)
-Continue to beat myself up for the bad choices I've made, instead of focusing on making a better choice in the moment.

What I hope to do in the next 40 days:
-Lose 10lbs. Yup, 10. On my last Whole30 I lost 7.6lbs, and that was without paying attention to portions at all for most of it. I figure I probably have three to four pounds of water retention alone to get rid of.
-Learn to manage my sugar cravings and my emotionally-driven appetite.
-Finally wean Baby Belle. We had been making good progress there, until our unexpected trip. Time to recommit!

Today's eats:
Breakfast: Sauteed kale and two scrambled eggs (cooked in ghee) with cherry tomatoes and a cup of half-decaf (weaning myself off the full-strength coffee I was downing when I was at my parents' house!) with coconut milk. I also had three or four cherries. I had intended to eat a few more than that, but my kids decided they wanted to share.
Lunch: A big ass salad - mixed greens, grape tomatoes, sunflower seeds, sliced chicken breast and compliant Italian dressing. Then I had a small bowl of raspberries because we'd gotten them ready for Baby Belle who promptly decided
Supper: Two Italian sausages with guacamole and roasted cauliflower with a few cherries on the side.
Snacks: A small handful of macadamia nuts and a medjool date.

Exercise: Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred - but I took a few breaks, and did the modified versions of a few of the moves. I'm trying to be mindful of not over-doing it while trying to heal my adrenals. Trying.

Home Again, Home Again...

...and getting my sh!t together.

My two weeks in my hometown was a total binge-fest. There, I said it. I don't exactly feel better for having said it, but at least it's out in the open. If I can't be honest in blogland, then what's the point of writing here?

When I finished my first Whole30 in the spring, I really thought I'd gotten a pretty good handle on my emotional eating. I knew I wasn't cured but I thought it was much better. It wasn't until the date for me to shave my head was fast approaching that I started to stumble down the slippery slope a little. I was able to get somewhat back on track after that, until a couple of weeks ago.

My grandmother's death rocked my world pretty hard. I know I wasn't dealing with it in the most positive way, and I was too easily influenced by the habits of those around me. For starters, we're an Irish family. Nana passed away on Sunday morning and was buried on Wednesday afternoon. That means Sunday night through Wednesday night involved a lot of bonfires, and a lot of beer. Not only should I have avoided the amount of alcohol I consumed, but I know full well that the gluten in beer is poison for me. My body just can't take it. Yet on the Wednesday we said goodbye to our family's matriarch, on what would have been her 86th birthday, I ate two slices of pizza, four breaded chicken wings and drank at least five cans of beer. (It might have been more. I wasn't worried about counting.)

From there it got worse, nutritionally speaking. I don't even want to list the garbage I ate between then and now. I'm scared to step on the scale tomorrow and see how much weight I actually re-gained. Actually scared. I know it's not an insignificant amount. I haven't weighed myself in ages, but I know my clothes fit differently, my body feels different, and as a result my confidence is in the toilet. I'm angry with myself for letting this happen, but at the same time I know that the only way to make a change is to face reality first. I'll weigh-in and do measurements tomorrow morning for Day 1 of a Whole40. (Hopefully I'll be brave enough to post the numbers!)

Yes, this time I'll be doing this for forty days instead of thirty. For one, the Biblical significance of forty days and forty nights appeals to me. :) Secondly, I think - for me - a little longer is a little better. Practice makes perfect, right? And thirdly, doing a full forty days will take me from now into my next trip back to my hometown. I need to be prepared, and I need to have a good structure to survive (nutritionally-speaking) my time there.

Tomorrow I'll post my goals for the upcoming forty days as well as log my food. That means today, I'd better get myself to the grocery store!

MIA

Sorry for the absence. At first it was a happy little unintentional break - a natural consequence of my husband being home from work for the summer.

Now, however, I'm sad to say I'm in the midst of an unexpected trip to my hometown. We got a call on Friday that my beloved grandmother was in the emergency room. Saturday's call reported that she was improving, but would need to stay in the hospital for a couple of days for antibiotics and oxygen. Sunday morning we were so shocked to be wakened at 5:30 by a call informing us she had passed away during the night. She just went to sleep, and peacefully slipped from this life into the next.

It is just such a sad time for our whole family. Nana was predeceased by her firstborn and her husband, and is survived by seven children, six children-in-law, fourteen grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren - all of whom loved and respected her deeply. She was a true matriarch, and our family is suffering so much over this loss. We know that she is now freed from all her earthly pains and illnesses, and is rejoicing with her saviour in whom she placed all her trust throughout her life. But her presence is missed so profoundly here.

Today we celebrate not only her funeral Mass, but also what would have been her 86th birthday. I love you Nana, and I always will. You are terribly missed.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. 

Healing From the Inside

Have you ever heard of 21st Century Syndrome? It's otherwise known as adrenal fatigue/adrenal burn-out, and I've got it.

My adrenals are fried, folks. FRIED. It's really not surprising, I suppose, considering what my body has endured over the last five years. For five years I have been pregnant, breastfeeding or breastfeeding WHILE pregnant. Not a single day off. Add to that three c-sections, and now 16 months of sleep patterns that would qualify as torture in most countries.

My body needs some help, so after much research I have decided to take the following steps:
1. More rest. I won't go so far as to say more sleep because that's really up to my kids more than me. Especially Baby Belle. If she can just figure out how to sleep without waking six or seven times a night, my body will benefit. In the mean time, I'm going to at least take the time to let my body rest during the day. That means that while my kids nap, I will also nap.
2. Vitamins! I'm now taking a daily mixture of iron, calcium, magnesium, vitamin E, a B vitamin complex, vitamin C and licorice root. Also a healthy dose of sea salt with each meal.
3. More gentle exercise. I really love pushing myself when I work out, but I don't think it's the best idea while I'm trying to heal. I'll stick to shorter workouts, and try to include more yoga.
4. No more coffee. This one will be hard. Even on days when I don't feel like I desperately need coffee, I still want it! I love my morning ritual with a hot cup of coffee. But I kicked the habit back in March, and I know I can do it again - and I know my body will thank me for it.
5. Better eating. I'm trying to be as strict as possible in eating Whole30-style for the next month. My body just functions better when I eat this way. My energy is higher and more consistent. And I'll certainly need that while giving up coffee!
6. Wean Baby Belle. I know there are plenty of mothers out there just ready to give me all kinds of grief for choosing when my baby weans. I'm just not into super-extended-breastfeeding. (I'm not against it on principle - do what you want. It's just not for me.) I think I've done her a great service by giving her over 16 months of breastmilk. (She's never had a bottle, and she only had a couple of ounces of formula in the hospital while she was being treated for jaundice.) I know it will upset her - she's definitely a booby baby. But it's time. My body needs a rest!

I am hopeful about the difference this will make in helping me feel better. I'm also hopeful that it will provide the best chances of allowing my hair to grow back (though I know it's not a guarantee). Now I just need to come up with some way of reminding myself to take my vitamins four times a day!

Redefining My Days

Two simple facts about my family are about to change my day-to-day life in a big way:
1. I'm married to a teacher.
2. My firstborn is nearly four and a half years old.

Starting on Friday, my husband will be off work for two glorious months! And when he goes back to work in September, Princess will be starting school.

That means I only have a few days left of being a stay-at-home-mom of three little ones all by myself. Having another adult around full-time makes a huge difference in the rhythm of our days. It's nice to not have to change all the diapers and make all  the snacks and lunches. It's nice to have someone else to entertain the kids while I make supper. I'm really looking forward to having a lot of fun - and getting some extra rest - while Francis is home with us for the summer.

What I'm not looking forward to is sending my sweet little girl off to school in the fall! I know she's ready. She's been asking about it for a while now. She'll have no trouble with the academic side of things (can you really talk about the "academics" of junior kindergarten?), since she's very keen and learns really quickly. Socially, she'll thrive I'm sure. She loves to meet new people and make new friends. But the days will be long for her. She has always been at home with me, and suddenly she'll be out of the house for a whole school day, five days a week. I'm just not comfortable with that! Things may be different come September, but right now she still naps for an hour to an hour and a half every day.

I'm excited to see how Princess will make out in school, but I'm also excited to see how things evolve here at home. Music Man will be about three and a half in the fall, and Baby Belle will be one and a half. It will be interesting to see the dynamic between the two of them grow once the ringleader is out of the picture. Music Man will have his shot to be The Big Kid, and I'll have more one-on-one time with each of them.

And what about me? Will I be able to get more done during the days with only two kids around? How will I spend my extra time? Or will it actually be harder while these two are sorting out their new relationship?

One thing is for sure, though: While I'm looking forward to this next step and whatever it brings, right now I'm ready for summer vacation!

Maybe Next Time!

I was all set to actually participate in Inspiration Monday over at two birds this week, and then I made a huge boo-boo - I didn't actually get a decent picture of what I wore! Go figure! (Which especially sucks because it's so rare for my husband and me to get a chance to get all dressed up.)

I didn't actually attempt to recreate the outfit they chose for the week, but rather I used the colour scheme as the inspiration for what I wore to a dear friend's wedding on Saturday. I'm a sucker for the black/white/red combination.

You can see a little in this photo that I wore a black dress with teeny white polka dots (and pockets!!) and a giant red belt. What you can't see is the remarkably comfortable-yet-adorable red pumps, and what I'd ditched at this point was my vintage black clutch and my straw cloche. (Hat like this one, but with a plain black band.) I also wore the pearls my mother-in-law gave me at my wedding, and a new-to-me pair of onyx earrings. (And don't forget my very on-trend leopard-print hair colour!) Other than my hat (and those sunglasses - necessary at an outdoor reception) everything was either a gift (earrings and pearls) or thrifted (everything else). I've really caught the thrift-store bug!

(And this is why, no matter how big my closet gets or how awesome my outfits become, I could never be a fashion blogger - it's so foreign a concept to take pictures of myself! Oh well. Good thing there are so many other great blogs out there - I'll just live vicariously.)

The groom at the wedding we attended is an old and dear friend, near to both our hearts. But we hadn't actually seen him in several years, and as a result we met the bride for the first time in the receiving line. I knew *right away* what kind of woman she is when she excused herself and left the receiving line for a moment to greet and hug two street people who had come to wish her well on her wedding day. Apparently she has a real heart for people who are homeless, poor, suffering with mental/emotional illness, or in any way looked-down-upon by society. I'm so happy for my friend that he found a woman who is so full of love that she can lavish it on everyone she meets! I wish them both a long and happy life together, filled with joy and babies! :)

Guess What? I'm White!

Shocking, isn't it? In spite of the fact that my ethnic roots are not entirely Caucasian, I am perhaps one of the whitest non-albino people going. Nurses love taking my blood because it's so easy to find my veins. True story. Oh, and I don't tan. At all. Ever. 'Specially my legs. (With all my whitey-whitiness, I look even paler standing next to my beautifully brown husband.)

I'm 33, so I've lived a long time with my pastiness. I used to hide my legs year-round. Last summer I bought a pair of shorts. One. A single pair of shorts. And it was the first time I'd worn shorts (outside the gym) in at least a decade. Now I've just gotten to the point that I don't really care anymore, and I'd rather be comfortable and not sweat buckets when it's nearly 40 (Celsius) outside, thankyouverymuch. This year I own a couple pairs of shorts and several short skirts and dresses. It's time to let my blindingly white legs see the light of day!

Why the post about pale skin, you ask? Well I went to our church's annual picnic on Sunday, and it was really hot and humid. So, of course, I wore shorts. And I got made fun of. Twice. By adults. One of whom is the same friend who offered to shave her head with me a month ago! (The other was her mother - I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!)

For a second or two, it hurt. Really hurt. It brought back all the feelings of being picked-on as a kid - those feelings that made me keep my legs covered for so many years. And then I made a new commitment to not-giving-a-rat's-ass.

My skin is white. Very white. My legs are the whitest (visible) part of me. I have very short hair which is still riddled with empty patches. I'm a few pounds heavier than I'd ultimately like to be. And I don't care. I'm not going to let those things hold me back. They won't keep me from doing the things I want to do. Big thighs won't keep me from wearing a bathing suit. White skin won't keep me covered up. Patchy hair won't make me embarrassed and feel the need to cover my head. I'm going to wear what I want, do my make-up, don some big earrings then just head out and enjoy my summer!

This is the only me I have - the only me there is. I refuse to waste any more time being hung up on what's "wrong" with me.

(This post inspired in part by this one. Which, by the way, I love in part due to the fact that she worked out in a dress. I once did 50 burpees in a maxi skirt.)