...and getting my sh!t together.
My two weeks in my hometown was a total binge-fest. There, I said it. I don't exactly feel better for having said it, but at least it's out in the open. If I can't be honest in blogland, then what's the point of writing here?
When I finished my first Whole30 in the spring, I really thought I'd gotten a pretty good handle on my emotional eating. I knew I wasn't cured but I thought it was much better. It wasn't until the date for me to shave my head was fast approaching that I started to stumble down the slippery slope a little. I was able to get somewhat back on track after that, until a couple of weeks ago.
My grandmother's death rocked my world pretty hard. I know I wasn't dealing with it in the most positive way, and I was too easily influenced by the habits of those around me. For starters, we're an Irish family. Nana passed away on Sunday morning and was buried on Wednesday afternoon. That means Sunday night through Wednesday night involved a lot of bonfires, and a lot of beer. Not only should I have avoided the amount of alcohol I consumed, but I know full well that the gluten in beer is poison for me. My body just can't take it. Yet on the Wednesday we said goodbye to our family's matriarch, on what would have been her 86th birthday, I ate two slices of pizza, four breaded chicken wings and drank at least five cans of beer. (It might have been more. I wasn't worried about counting.)
From there it got worse, nutritionally speaking. I don't even want to list the garbage I ate between then and now. I'm scared to step on the scale tomorrow and see how much weight I actually re-gained. Actually scared. I know it's not an insignificant amount. I haven't weighed myself in ages, but I know my clothes fit differently, my body feels different, and as a result my confidence is in the toilet. I'm angry with myself for letting this happen, but at the same time I know that the only way to make a change is to face reality first. I'll weigh-in and do measurements tomorrow morning for Day 1 of a Whole40. (Hopefully I'll be brave enough to post the numbers!)
Yes, this time I'll be doing this for forty days instead of thirty. For one, the Biblical significance of forty days and forty nights appeals to me. :) Secondly, I think - for me - a little longer is a little better. Practice makes perfect, right? And thirdly, doing a full forty days will take me from now into my next trip back to my hometown. I need to be prepared, and I need to have a good structure to survive (nutritionally-speaking) my time there.
Tomorrow I'll post my goals for the upcoming forty days as well as log my food. That means today, I'd better get myself to the grocery store!