Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Home Again, Home Again...

...and getting my sh!t together.

My two weeks in my hometown was a total binge-fest. There, I said it. I don't exactly feel better for having said it, but at least it's out in the open. If I can't be honest in blogland, then what's the point of writing here?

When I finished my first Whole30 in the spring, I really thought I'd gotten a pretty good handle on my emotional eating. I knew I wasn't cured but I thought it was much better. It wasn't until the date for me to shave my head was fast approaching that I started to stumble down the slippery slope a little. I was able to get somewhat back on track after that, until a couple of weeks ago.

My grandmother's death rocked my world pretty hard. I know I wasn't dealing with it in the most positive way, and I was too easily influenced by the habits of those around me. For starters, we're an Irish family. Nana passed away on Sunday morning and was buried on Wednesday afternoon. That means Sunday night through Wednesday night involved a lot of bonfires, and a lot of beer. Not only should I have avoided the amount of alcohol I consumed, but I know full well that the gluten in beer is poison for me. My body just can't take it. Yet on the Wednesday we said goodbye to our family's matriarch, on what would have been her 86th birthday, I ate two slices of pizza, four breaded chicken wings and drank at least five cans of beer. (It might have been more. I wasn't worried about counting.)

From there it got worse, nutritionally speaking. I don't even want to list the garbage I ate between then and now. I'm scared to step on the scale tomorrow and see how much weight I actually re-gained. Actually scared. I know it's not an insignificant amount. I haven't weighed myself in ages, but I know my clothes fit differently, my body feels different, and as a result my confidence is in the toilet. I'm angry with myself for letting this happen, but at the same time I know that the only way to make a change is to face reality first. I'll weigh-in and do measurements tomorrow morning for Day 1 of a Whole40. (Hopefully I'll be brave enough to post the numbers!)

Yes, this time I'll be doing this for forty days instead of thirty. For one, the Biblical significance of forty days and forty nights appeals to me. :) Secondly, I think - for me - a little longer is a little better. Practice makes perfect, right? And thirdly, doing a full forty days will take me from now into my next trip back to my hometown. I need to be prepared, and I need to have a good structure to survive (nutritionally-speaking) my time there.

Tomorrow I'll post my goals for the upcoming forty days as well as log my food. That means today, I'd better get myself to the grocery store!


  1. I tried commenting on the last post but the ipad wouldn't allow. So, please accept my condolences regarding your dear grandmother. I always found her a great inspiration and a woman of grace. My prayers have been with you all.
    Re. the eating: argh! I understand. My numbers haven't moved since the week that Sarah was born. No matter what I do, the weight doesn't budge. So, I signed up for WW last night. I hope it works again. You would think that with six kids and a full-on breastfeeder I would at least be rewarded by being allowed to eat whatever I like. So unfair. Also, I always dread the trips home - inevitable weight gain.

  2. Jaclyn, you suffered a loss and you are human. You'll totally nail this Whole40. Even adding on the extra ten days is your way of putting a stamp on it and owning it. Be good to you, and remember the Whole9 mantra: nutrition>sleep>exercise.

    Cheering you on!

  3. Oh Jaclyn, I feel your pain. Literally. The emotional eating I have fallen into since Nana first got into the hospital is absolutely insane. That, and not exercising. I feel nasty. Today I went out with a friend who I hadn't seen in about 6 weeks and she commented on how nice it is that I have a skirt that actually FITS me now, I didn't want to admit this was the same skirt I wore the last time I saw her that was way too big back then.
    Honestly, I think we can honour Nana a lot by taking care of ourselves. Her advice to me right before Isaiah was born? "Don't be afraid to be selfish sometimes." (and of course, eating properly never is actually selfish!) Also I looked up a quiz online of adrenal fatigue and surprise-surprise, I have a mild case of it too. I am seriously considering doing a Whole30 thing myself, once I wean Isaiah, which is happening actively now. (I once did a very similar thing for 2 weeks under my naturopath's care and felt stellar.)


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