Bullet Points

- "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Or: the farther you get into a 21-day detox, the worse it sucks when you crash and burn.
- Day 18 did me in. My period started, and it was a very painful reminder that I'm not pregnant any more. I ate rice cakes with peanut butter and jam. Remembered right away what I'd learned earlier: that eating very dense carb sources makes me feel awful very quickly. My head starts spinning, I feel slightly nauseated and very cranky.
- I mostly enjoyed the detox. Or, rather, I enjoyed what I learned from it. I don't think I'd do it again, though. I think I'll stick to Whole30s when I need a reset.
- Princess turned five on Saturday. I am still reeling! It's that weird contrast between "it feels like just yesterday!" and "hasn't she always been part of our lives?" If you're a parent, you know exactly what I mean.
- Preparations for her party involved sewing 16 bags and 16 aprons, making 16 decorated hairbands, baking 36 cupcakes (some of which had to be dairy-, gluten- and soy-free), making (dairy- and soy-free) icing, decorating the kitchen AND the basement, making a strawberry bouquet (some plain, some chocolate-dipped), making a pin-the-horn-on-the-unicorn game, and various other tasks.

The kitchen

The basement - see the cute little bare legs behind the easel? :)

The unicorn 

- Hosting the party involved nine of her friends, three of their mothers, and (surprisingly) Music Man and Baby Belle wanted to stick around and get in on the action. They're normally not overly social in large groups.

Music Man wanted an umbrella like the girls, but also wanted his sippy cup. Masking tape solved the dilemma!

A sleepy-looking, post-nap Baby Belle sporting one of the pom-pommed hairbands I made for the guests.

- Now that the party is over, I'm doing a whole lot of nothing. And for the most part I intend to continue to do a lot of nothing until the end of February.
- Princess' big day was apparently pretty taxing on her little body. She started feeling sick around supper time on Saturday, and is just starting to get back to normal. I was happy to have a reason to keep her home from school on Monday, then a snow day yesterday and a PD day today are giving her lots of recovery time.
- Since my mother is staying with us, Francis and I will actually got to go out on a date last night. We went to a Texas-style BBQ restaurant near us which was recently featured on The Food Network. We shared some smoked spicy apple wings as an appetizer then split a meat sampler plate. It had beef ribs, pork ribs, brisket and pulled pork (with two sides). I enjoyed my first taste of Texas BBQ. I did not enjoy my second taste of Texas BBQ five hours later.
- I finally got a cell phone. That has nothing to do with anything, but it's interesting to me.
- Working on another post to collect some of my thoughts on deprivation and restriction, inspired by Alexis' post. (I know you're totally on the edge of your seat, now.)

Planning Ahead

Looking to the future, once this detox is over, I'm trying to make a plan for what's coming up next. And what's next is all about self-care.

I know, that sounds like a dinky pop-psychology term that's been tossed around too much. What does that even mean, "self-care"? I was first introduced to the concept while working as a youth minister. There is a tendency among people who spend most of their time caring for others to end up spending almost all their time caring for others, and they end up burning out.

So February will be all about taking care of myself. Here's the 10-point plan of what that will look like
1. Continue eating as closely as possible to the 21DSD guidelines, but with more fruit - being certain to eat my fruit with some sort of protein to avoid spiking my blood sugar too much.
2. Drink a lot more water.
3. Take my supplements diligently every day.
4. Going to bed no later than 9pm at least 5 nights a week.
5. Exercising daily. Not the crazy stuff I love the best, but the less crazy stuff that I love almost as much.
6. Minimal commitments outside the home. I'm co-hosting the hospitality time after church on February 10th, and I'm just in charge of baking the gluten-free goodies and helping to serve coffee. Mid-month we'll attend a birthday party for my second oldest nephew. Later in the month I'll have a birthday dinner for Baby Belle's second birthday. And that's about it!
7. Lots more prayer time.
8. Lots more quiet time with my husband.
9. Indulging in hobbies just for the sake of their hobby-ness. Sewing for fun - not mass-producing 14 aprons.
10. Consciously speaking positively to myself daily. Not daily-affirmations-in-the-mirror kind of stuff, but mentally patting myself on the back for getting something (anything!) done, and catching myself when I start to get overly critical of myself.

Now for today's eats:
Breakfast - Can you guess?! Two eggs scrambled with half a sausage and some sauteed onion, served over cherry tomatoes. Two cups of (mostly decaf) coffee.
Lunch - A big salad with mixed greens, chopped pecans, cucumber, cherry tomatoes and balsamic vinaigrette. Three slices of deli roast beef with mustard.
Supper - Roasted pork loin (rubbed with olive oil, garlic, Italian seasoning, salt & pepper) with roasted asparagus.
Snacks - A handful of pecans. A green apple and a handful of almonds.

I was handed a sample of a Lindt 70% chocolate bar at Costco - I looked at it for about three seconds then decided to eat it. I got the same head-rush, dizzy spells about 10-15 minutes later. Weird.

A Weird Weekend

I already told you I'd planned to cheat a little on Friday night. And I did. And it was worth it. This was a get-together that was originally scheduled for July, but our unexpected trip for my grandmother's funeral meant postponing it. Friday was our first opportunity to get the four couples together to relax, and it was long overdue!

I had three small glasses of white wine, some baked brie with rice crackers, and a couple of little treats I'd made to share. I made Double Chocolate Brownie Date Truffles (dates, coconut, walnuts, cocoa and some Enjoy Life mini chocolate chips) and mini chocolate coconut tarts (crust - unsweetened coconut and egg whites, filling - Enjoy Life chocolate chips and coconut milk). I had two of each of those, and two small chocolates another friend made, which had coconut oil, honey, cocoa and almonds. I also had some raw vegetables, but that's not noteworthy. :)

Saturday was definitely strange. I need to go for some blood work to check my adrenal function and electrolytes. I was told to fast for 12 hours before having my blood drawn, which kind of sucked because I couldn't get to the lab until 3pm! I took a snack to bed with me on Friday night, and around 3am I had about 1/3 of a coconut cream Larabar. I couldn't eat any more than that though - because I found it too sweet! Very strange. So I fasted most of the day on Saturday, and I was surprised by the lack of physical hunger. I wanted to eat, but I didn't feel a desperate need to eat. My stomach growled once around lunch time, but not again after that.

The frustrating part, however, was putting in my fasting time and then arriving at the clinic to discover it apparently closed some time before 3pm! I had the rest of the Larabar as we drove over to the mall to spend some time before supper, and the funniest thing happened. About 20 minutes after eating it, I got very light-headed and had a few dizzy spells. I think I've sensitized myself enough to blood sugar spikes that I can't handle that much sweetness without an appropriate amount of protein. The same thing had happened on Friday when I ended up eating a Larabar for lunch, but I didn't connect the weird symptoms with the snack at the time. Not until it happened the second time on Saturday and it was unmistakable.

After our time at the mall, we went to our favourite sports bar for supper. Normally my order of choice is to split a giant mountain of nachos with Francis, but I knew that not only was it a bad choice in terms of the detox, but that eating that much corn wouldn't be a good idea for my joints. So instead I ordered a bunless burger. The burger was fantastic. House-made patty with sauteed yellow onions and green peppers, Monterey Jack cheese, bacon, BBQ sauce lettuce, tomato and red onion. Still not 100% compliant because of the cheese (and presumably sugar in the sauce) and the fries on the side (of which I could only manage to eat about 1/3), but it was so incredibly delicious after a day of fasting! And I was surprised by how satisfied I was with just the burger. I didn't need the fries at all, but picked at them because they were there and they looked good. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I scraped the rest of them off onto Francis' plate so they wouldn't tempt me anymore.

Which brings us to Sunday. Mostly back on track and feeling great about it!
Breakfast - Two eggs scrambled with sauteed onions, cherry tomatoes, three slices of bacon and two cups of (mostly decaf) coffee.
Lunch - A can of light tuna with mustard and mayo, two slices of deli roast beef and a pile of baby carrots.
Supper - Time to satisfy a craving - I just really wanted a sandwich! I made a grain free bun and loaded it with an Italian sausage, a quarter of an avocado, caramelized onions, tomatoes and a little bit of homemade honey mustard. (Yeah, I know. Honey.) With my sandwich I had a heap of roasted broccoli and some steamed sugar snap peas tossed in ghee and sea salt.
Snacks - I cheated and ate half of one of the doughnuts I'd made for the kids. It was enjoyable - but I didn't need any more than that half.

Lucky (Day) 13

Nearly two weeks down. I'm torturing myself by looking at lots of Paleo goodies online, mentally making a list of which things I can't wait to try when this is done. Although the current plan is to end on the 25th as scheduled, enjoy a (grain-free, sugar-free) cupcake and a (grain-free, sugar-free) waffle topped with fruit at Princess' party on the 26th, then get back on the bandwagon on the 27th. This is tough, no doubt about it. But from all the reading I've done, it's highly beneficial for my adrenals. And, if my adrenals really are tanked out, that can mess with my progesterone. And that's something that needs to be remedied ASAP. Sadly some of the foods that people with AF really need to avoid are some of my favourites - bananas, dates, melons, raisins - and anything else that'll spike my blood sugar. I simply have to continue on this low-glycemic path for the time being. (I'm not saying I'll never indulge. I'm just saying I can learn to hold out for special occasions - like my upcoming birthday!! - and decide for once and for all that "crappy day", "no sleep" or "Tuesday" don't count as special.)

Breakfast - Two eggs scrambled with onions and diced hot Italian sausage with cherry tomatoes. Coffee.
Lunch - A "big ass salad" with all the usual fixings and another hot sausage with mustard.
Supper - Two beef sliders with chipotle mayo and caramelized onions. (That had been on the schedule for yesterday but got bumped in favour of the Brazilian Curry Chicken. Why? The BCC is cooked in a crock pot. Less work at the end of the day!) Caved and had a handful of the kids' potato wedges. It's only as I sit here in bed at 8:43pm that I'm aware I didn't eat any vegetables at supper. I'll let you figure out what kind of afternoon I had.
Snacks - A banana. (Yes, I said I'm not supposed to eat bananas. The legal green-tipped ones aren't as bad, but I got my fabulous husband to pick up a bag of green apples for me so I can make the switch to my other legal fruit.) Some macadamia nuts.

I Cheated!

I ate a bagel! And I don't feel too badly about it. Actually, I don't feel bad at all. Several people have pointed out to me in the past 48 hours that I haven't necessarily been taking care of myself the way I should be. Sure, I'm eating well and easing myself back into an exercise routine, which is great for my physical self. But I haven't been doing enough to take care of my emotional and spiritual self. And some of that has to do with the restrictions of this sugar detox. Without getting into too many of my crazy food issues, I realized a couple of years ago that I sometimes punish myself with food - and I think part of my motivation for forging ahead with the detox even after my miscarriage was my way of punishing myself with the withholding of food. So, when I made a new grain-free bagel recipe this morning, I decided to try one to see how they turned out. It was small, but it had a little bit of honey and apple sauce in it, so definitely not legal on the 21DSD.

I've also decided to give myself Friday night "off". Sure, there's something to be said for doing the program perfectly from start to finish, but there's also something to be said for doing what I need. And since Francis and I are going out with some friends on Friday night to celebrate a birthday, I'm going to have a glass of wine. Maybe even two. And maybe some dates! I have no intention of falling off the wagon completely or canceling the rest of my detox. And I don't necessarily think I need to stop once I hit Day 21. This way of eating is what's recommended for people with adrenal fatigue, so I know it's beneficial for me.

Breakfast - Two eggs scrambled with sauteed onions, some cherry tomatoes and three slices of bacon. Plus some coffee.
Lunch - A big salad (the usual) with three small slices of deli roast beef with mustard and half of the aforementioned bagel.
Supper - Brazilian Curry Chicken (I thew in some sugar snap peas for the last hour) topped with avocado and a side of roasted broccoli.
Snacks - The other half of the bagel.

Down the Drain

No, not my detox. My hair.

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, but in the past week I've been losing much more hair than usual - it's falling out at least triple its normal rate. It's entirely possible that the shock of the miscarriage has taken an even greater toll on my body than I'd suspected. And it's entirely likely that that trip to the naturopath is long overdue.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about reliving last year's hair drama. But I also wonder about cross-reactivity/my Christmas gluten consumption. Alopecia has been linked to gluten intolerance in many people. I definitely re-sensitized myself by strictly avoiding all gluten for seven weeks. I was meticulous. Then I totally binged on wheat-containing crap for about four or five days straight after my miscarriage. I really suffered after that. I was in pain for a week and a half, and it wasn't limited to my hips this time. Every joint in my body was weak and aching. And now, as you know if you've been reading, I've been drinking coffee every day. Lots of people who are sensitive to wheat are also sensitive to other items which cross-react, including coffee, corn, chocolate, etc. I haven't been eating any corn or chocolate, but the coffee may be affecting me.

Or maybe I'm over-thinking all of this.

I think I'll watch an episode of Bones online and go to bed early.

Breakfast - Two eggs scrambled with sauteed onions, cherry tomatoes and three slices of bacon. Coffee - weaning myself off again, so mostly decaf.
Lunch - A big salad of mixed greens, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, pecans and balsamic vinaigrette. One hot dog. *sigh*
Supper - "Breaded" chicken strips with a giant pile of steamed French beans tossed with ghee and salt.
Snacks - A banana with a small handful of pecans, and a handful of macadamias with a cup of licorice tea.

Days 9 & 10 - Messing With Meals and Macros

I'm a creature of habit (in case you couldn't tell by what I eat for breakfast every day). That's not necessarily a bad thing, but when it comes to food quantity it may be.

I always eat breakfast as soon as I get up. But am I really hungry as soon as I get up, or is that just a habit? I always eat lunch right after the kids do, and I eat supper with my family. But are those the times my body really needs a meal? Snacks are nice, but am I eating them because I need them, or because I'm just in the mood to eat something? The new plan is to wait until my stomach actually growls before I eat anything. I won't push it for long, but I want to start eating only when I get that unmistakable signal until I get an idea of whether my body actually has a natural rhythm for when it needs to eat. Once I have a better idea of that, I can go back to being a creature of habit for a while.

In terms of my macronutrients, I want to try a little experiment involving cutting back my protein a little and upping my carbohydrates through more vegetables. I love meat, and I think I may be over-doing my portions a little. The other plan is to save my allowed fruit serving until the afternoon, whereas now I often eat it mid-morning then regret it by 3pm.

Day 9:
Breakfast - Two eggs scrambled with onions and sweet peppers. Coffee (half decaf).
Lunch - More pulled pork.
Supper - (Not proud of this) Two hot dogs (gluten-free and sugar-free) and a big salad with greens, tomatoes and cucumbers with a balsamic vinaigrette. I wouldn't have gone for the hot dogs except that Francis was out at soccer during supper and bed time, and I always turn into a big ol' whiner when I have to tackle that stretch of the day by myself.

Day 10:
Breakfast - Two eggs scrambled with sauteed onions served over cherry tomatoes with three slices of bacon. LOTS of coffee (half decaf), mostly because of my 5am wake-up call from Baby Belle.
Lunch - Giant salad with greens, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and pecans with (surprise!) the balsamic vinaigrette. Two slices of deli roast beef with a little mustard.
Supper - Bacon-wrapped chicken strips with a mountain of roasted broccoli.
Snacks - A small handful of macadamia nuts and two bananas. I actually forgot I'd already had one until I was two thirds of the way through the second one. Oops.