Day 35 of 40 - Aprehensive

Isn't it ridiculous? I've been so excited to have a weekend away by myself, and now that it's 48 hours away I'm starting to freak out a little.

Even though my husband is perfectly capable of taking care of his own children, I'm worried he'll be overwhelmed by having to do it all - and he'll end up resenting me for going away. Even though he's very at home in the kitchen and cooks really well, I still feel like I need to spend the next two days preparing meals and snacks to have in the fridge or freezer.

I guess it's my "provider" side. Even though I don't work outside the home or bring in an income, I provide for my family by creating a sense of home in our house, preparing meals, caring for the children, etc. How strange it will be to not do any of those things for three whole days?

And what will I do while I'm away? Well, I'm considering going straight from the airport to a pub to hear my old band play on Thursday night. I'm hoping to do some fabric shopping with my mother to prepare for making the children's Halloween costumes*. The weddings are on Saturday, so that takes care of most of that day. Other than that, I hope to sleep a good deal, and visit with family. And all the while I'll do my best not to worry about Francis and the children at home. Oh, and I'll try not to think about the fact that after I get back on Sunday evening, we have only ONE day left before Princess starts school next Tuesday! Argh!

(I should add that this will be my first time travelling alone since I was seven months pregnant with Princess who is now four and a half. And I've never been away overnight without at least one child!)

Breakfast: Two banana muffins sliced and French toasted with strawberries on top. A cup of licorice tea.
Lunch: Ground chicken with fajita seasoning topped with a heap of cherry tomatoes, salsa and half an avocado.
Supper: Ooh la la! I made the Char Siu (Chinese BBQ pork) from Well Fed. A little labour-intensive for a Tuesday night, but well worth the effort! We chowed down on the delicious pork with a side of roasted cauliflower and broccoli. (My husband said the pork was "soooooo good!", even saying it was better than his mother's!)
Snacks: A handful of sweet potato chips and TOO MANY DATES.

* Princess wants to be a mermaid with a shimmery purple tail, Music Man would like to be a blue dragon with big claws, and Francis and I think Baby Belle ought to be a little kitten because her "meow" sound is TO DIE FOR.

Day 34 of 40 - Pay It Forward

I'm so grateful that Nicole told me about Whole30 and a grain-free lifestyle so many months ago. Tonight I had a chance to share with three other women about what I've learned and gained from eating this way, and help to empower them to begin to make changes in their own diets.

We talked about the reasons behind eliminating certain foods (like grains) and the reasons for including others (like coconut oil, and other healthy fats). We snacked on chocolate truffles made with dates, and we each had a slice of breakfast cake, which the other ladies enjoyed with a scoop of coconut milk ice cream. They shared concerns, fears, uncertainties (especially in regards to feeding husbands and children) - and I did my best to share reassurance, tips, recipes and even a little pep talk.

I'm hoping they went home feeling a little more informed. I know I enjoyed our time together, and I'm looking forward to our follow-up visit down the road.

Breakfast: Kale, eggs, tomatoes and ground chicken cooked with homemade fajita seasoning. Licorice tea.
Lunch: Hamburger salad - mixed greens, chopped up burger patty, onions sauteed in ghee, chopped avocado and cherry tomatoes.
Supper: Stuffed pork tenderloin and roasted cauliflower.
Snacks: Two snack balls and a slice of breakfast cake.

Day 33 of 40 - Fail. Or Not?

Short version, busy tonight.

We had brunch today with a family we've known for many years, since before Francis and I even started dating. He is a deacon at our old church, and she is the church secretary. Wonderful people. They invited us to come and eat with them, their middle son, his wife and their toddler. I didn't have the heart to say, "Sure, we'll come, but I just can't eat anything you make, so I'll bring all my own food. 'Kay?" This woman is known for her hospitality, and I just couldn't bring myself to snub her food like that.

Long story short, I brought some muffins that I knew Baby Belle would be able to eat, so I had one of those and did the best I could with everything else - which included white potatoes, and a mayo-based salad dressing.

The bad news: My tummy isn't happy. The good news: I'm not feeling "guilty" or like I "cheated". I feel like I navigated the situation rather well, and it in no way made me want to go off the rails. I'm calling it a success.

Breakfast: One and a half banana muffins.
Lunch: One muffin, one (approved) Italian sausage (the same brand we always buy), a small scoop of roasted potatoes, and a serving of Seven Layer Salad. I just tried to scoop from the bottom of the bowl - the parts everyone else missed - so I got mostly spinach, celery, water chestnuts and a little bit of bacon. There was some dressing on it, but I'm pretty sure I bypassed the cheese. Two cups of coffee with coconut milk.
Supper: A chicken leg, sliced cucumber and cherry tomatoes.
Snacks: Another one and a half muffins, a banana with a handful of walnuts. A cup of licorice tea.

Day 32 of 40 - Produce!

Just need to share my excitement about a handful of quick things, then I have to go hit the kitchen again.

First: My husband was about to purchase some "free-roam" eggs from the woman we get our veggie box (and up-coming grass-fed beef) from, and she did us a big favour. She turned down our business, and instead gave us the address to her sister's house. Her sister sells free-RANGE eggs, which are vastly superior AND cheaper! (Only $3 a dozen. That's only $.60 more than Costco!) There's a little addition on the side of this woman's house which has a small fridge filled with eggs, and a bowl for you to leave your money in. Totally on the honour system. And we know the eggs were free-range because we had to maneuver carefully out of the driveway so as not to run over the chickens!

The second great thing was my conversation with our farmer. I told her we were interested in including more organ meats in our diet, so I asked if I could buy some livers (beef and chicken) from her. She's not sure if the butcher who does her chickens will save them or not ("he's pretty cranky", she said), but she'll sell me some beef livers for a great price. (I intend to grind them and hide them in our burgers, meatloaves, meatballs, etc.) I asked her about bones for making stock, and she said she'd give them to me! Even the lousy bones at the grocery store don't come free! I'm excited!

Third, we stopped by our local community garden on the way home from picking up our eggs and Princess and Music Man helped us pick some candy-like cherry tomatoes, yellow beans and snow peas.

Lastly, after the kids' naps we drove down the street to a small produce market. (Most of the stuff is local, and most of the non-local stuff is at least from around the province. There are only a couple of imported items.) We picked up lettuce for wraps, celery, four sweet peppers, three bulbs of garlic, a giant zucchini, green onions, and a red onion for just over $6.

I love where we live!

Now our fridge is bursting with beautiful produce (because we also got our regular weekly load!), and I have some serious organizing to do! I'm going to do some washing, chopping and freezing, so we have stir-fry mixes ready to go in the freezer. (One more mention of how grateful I am to finally have a big freezer!)

Breakfast: The usual plus one and a half pieces of bacon.
Lunch: Two thighs, a drumstick, a handful of cherry tomatoes and some roasted cauliflower.
Supper: A leftover hamburger topped with more sauteed onions and a side of coconut curry stir-fried veggies (snow peas, yellow beans, green pepper, cauliflower, purple carrots and onions).

P.S. We already have brunch plans for tomorrow, otherwise I'd be making these. I can assure you they'll be on the menu in the very near future!

Day 31 of 40 - It's Over

No, not my Whole40. I'm sticking with it. (I may even go longer, just to see how far I can go before I find something really worth splurging on!)

My relationship with my scale is over. I did one final weigh-in today to mark the end of the official 30-day period, and now I'm shelving it.

I am once again able to slip effortlessly into my size 4 skinny jeans, and that was one of the things I hoped for - for my clothes to fit properly again. If my clothes get too tight again, I'll know I need to dial in my eating. And if they get too loose and I need to go down another size, then I'll know my body composition has changed. Really, knowing how much pull the earth's gravity has on my body isn't important, so I'm just going to stop keeping track. Besides, the hormonal fluctuations I'm dealing with right now are wreaking havoc on my energy and appetite, and no doubt will affect my weight as well. It's just not worth stressing over any more.

I started a new fitness program yesterday, because I just really love the structure and accountability it brings. Of course, I have no interest in her meal plans, but I enjoy the style of her workouts. I'm going to focus on increasing my strength, muscle definition and endurance, as well as continuing to prioritize healthy eating.

Anyway, in honour of finishing 30 days of Whole30 eating, I thought I'd revisit some of my goals and objectives that I started out with:
-Get plenty of rest. Even though my kids can't be counted on to sleep through the night, I've been doing what I can by going to bed early. I was in bed no later than 10pm almost all of the last 30 nights, and there were just two or three times I was up until about 10:45pm. The bad news is, I've only spent 3 of the last 30 nights in my own bed for the whole night. (Crazy kids...) The good news is, I'm sleeping far more deeply and soundly than I have in a really long time. Much more restorative sleep, I'm sure.
-Take my vitamins diligently, and drink my new licorice root extract tea. I've acquired a taste for the tea and have been generally drinking it twice a day. I haven't been so good at remembering to take my vitamins - must work on that one.
-Modify my exercise routine. I was mostly doing pretty well with this, except I was craving something more intense. Hence the new program. We'll see how it works out.
-Get a handle on my portion sizes. Much improved, though still some work to be done. I still have a hard time not having a second helping of something delicious, even if I'm not still hungry. 
-Quit drinking coffee. Again. Done. I've had a few cups here and there, but I'm no longer hooked on it, and I no longer crave it.
-Post daily. Done!
-Celebrate every success. I think I've done okay with this. Enjoying the improved fit of my clothes and being willing to give up the scale are big successes as far as I'm concerned!

-Indulge in any SWYPO foods. Oops. Oh well, I know I made the right choices for me and my lifestyle.
-Eat any non-approved foods/ingredients. Turns out the sweet potato chips I had were cooked in a bad oil. I should have read the ingredients more carefully.
-Use fruit to replace junk food when a sugar craving hits. I did do that a few times with dates, but not nearly as much as I did during my first Whole30. Definitely an improvement.
-Pig out on something just because it's an "approved food". No pig-outs at all this time. Sometimes an extra portion, but never a full-on pig-out.
-Take any measurements. Failed. And here's why: After just five days I couldn't believe the difference in how my clothes fit, and my curiosity got the better of me. In the first five days I lost 5.5" from my mid-section. FIVE AND A HALF INCHES! Incredible how much bloating and inflammation my body was struggling with after the way I ate when I was at home!
-Continue to beat myself up for the bad choices I've made. Success. I've forgiven myself and moved on. No point dwelling on what I can't change!

-Lose 10lbs. Considering the final weaning process took place during this Whole30, that may have been too ambitious a goal. I've lost 5lbs so far, and that's fantastic. I'll either lose more or I won't. I feel great, and that's the important thing.
-Learn to manage my sugar cravings and my emotionally-driven appetite. Come a long way, still a long way to go.
-Finally wean Baby Belle.  Done! I think it's awesome when women are willing to continue nursing as long as their baby wants to, but that's just not me. With my first two kids, I weaned them because I was pregnant. This time I'm not pregnant (let's just be clear on that...), but my body desperately needs a break. It's been a non-stop hormonal roller-coaster since April of 2007! My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, then two weeks later I conceived Princess, and then began the overlapping breastfeeding/pregnancy stage. Time for me to just be me for a while, and not require my body to sustain another human being for a while!

So that's that. 30 days down, lots of work done, still more to do. I know what I need to focus on for the remaining days of this Whole40 and beyond.

Breakfast: The usual.
Lunch: Two drumsticks and the end of the spicy cauliflower "rice".
Supper: A fajita-seasoned burger (half beef, half pork) with sliced tomatoes and onions sauteed in ghee, with sauteed baby bok choy and sweet potato hash.
Snacks: A banana! (First one since I started!) Two large date and walnut snack balls.

Day 30 of 40 - The TMI Post

Brace yourselves, people, or click away. It's about to get seven kinds of real up in here...

(Did I actually just say "up in here"? Am I for real?)

So here's the TMI part: Today, while working out, it was super hot in my living room, so I ended up doing both my workouts in just a sports bra and underwear. In front of a mirror. It wasn't pretty, folks. But it was beautiful.

My body will never look like a model's. (No matter how much weight I lose or how fit I get, I'm still only 5' 2" with a broad frame.) My tummy jiggles. That's because I've grown three babies in there in the last several years, each time gaining 30-35lbs. My thighs and hips and bum are big. But that's a good indicator of fertility, which is a good indicator of health. (Refer back to the aforementioned three children in three years - obviously fertile!) It mightn't look good to anyone other than my husband, but there is great beauty in the strength and accomplishments of my body.

My body has taken a fair bit of abuse from me over the years. Over-eating, drinking to excess, not exercising, not sleeping (when I had the chance!). And yet it has never ceased to amaze me in the things it is capable of. I'm learning, now, to think of eating well and exercise as rewards for my body - giving it what it deserves, because it is strong and capable and worthy of care. I'm doing my best to rid myself of the mindset that food is about deprivation and exercise is about punishment.

I know that learning to love and accept my body, just as it is, is crucial for my mental and emotional well-being, and also for its continued health and improvement.  (Excerpt: " This may in fact be the easiest way to lose weight in the world,* but only if it is done with love, and with forgiveness, and with a refusal to adhere to body image norms.   Three things with which women struggle fiercely.")

So, yes, I jiggle. That's okay. It is. It's not something I would choose, given the vain opportunity, but it really is okay. The size of my thighs doesn't say anything about my character. Whether or not I ever lose this post-c-section pooch on my tummy doesn't erase the good that I have done in my life. A big booty doesn't indicate an angry heart or a dull mind. I love my body - I am  my body - but I am also more than the way I look.

I'm still learning and growing, and this is one of the reasons why I will continue this Whole30 for (at least) another 10 days. 30 days in, and I'm just getting warmed up. Bring it.

Breakfast: Kale, eggs, tomatoes and bacon. Half-decaf with coconut milk.
Lunch: Two chicken thighs with BBQ sauce, and some leftover spicy cauliflower "rice".
Supper: Two taco-spiced drumsticks, roasted cauliflower, and steamed green and yellow beans tossed with melted ghee.
Snacks: A small handful of macadamias before bed, and a cup of licorice tea.

Day 29 of 40 - Love/Hate

I love sweet potatoes. And I love dates. Which makes me hate them. It would be so easy for me to stay in my daily carb-intake range if not for the existence of those two foods! So yummy, so easy to over-eat.

Breakfast: Half a Belgian-style waffle topped with sliced strawberries and unsweetened apple sauce.
Lunch: Two chicken thighs, leftover grilled zucchini and steamed green beans tossed in ghee.
Supper: Veggie-loaded meatloaf and spicy cauliflower "rice".
Snacks: Some sweet potato chips, 3 dates and some walnuts.